Among Japanese teenagers the most basic way of starting to date someone is by giving them a “kokuhaku” or love confession.This sounds a bit creepy but it’s not so much telling someone you love them but rather the Japanese way of letting them know you like them and asking them out.Growing up in Japan my parents were really strict and so I didn’t get an opportunity to start going on dates until after I graduated from high school.I did have a Japanese boyfriend but I ended things with him to go to school in California.And when we do ask our love interest if he wants to have a relationship, it’s because we already kissed or at least gotten really close. There’s no such thing as DTR (Defining The Relationship) because exclusivity is implied.Once two people kiss while sober (French teenagers drink a lot, as it’s legal), they can already consider the other one as their boyfriend/girlfriend, and assume the relationship is going to be exclusive — there’s no need to define it.
The types of dates seen in movies – the formal ask, the fancy dinner and the entire dance that ensues simply doesn’t exist in the European mindset, in fact, the word “dating” isn’t even a part of their lexicon. Unlike American culture, where there’s almost a rite of passage which takes two people from “hooking up” to “seeing each other” to “dating” to “exclusive”, these labels just aren’t a focus or concern for European men. Rather, the mentality is, “I like you, I want to see you, and if it’s enjoyable, let’s keep seeing each other”.
Well, we usually go out in groups and meet within this social group. If you are already friends with the guy, you just spend more time together, get a coffee after school or share a meal at your apartment, and flirt a little bit.
If you just met at a party, well, you kiss, and things evolve naturally.
Now, when I discuss the differences between European and American, I’m referring to a mindset. American men on the other hand, tend to be goal oriented, with the aim of getting laid.
You can very well be born in America but have a more “European” mindset and vice versa. Perhaps this ‘score mentality’ is for bragging rights, perhaps it’s for validation so they can feel wanted and desired, or perhaps it’s a pure ego play.